The Early Weight of Expectation

“Alex, your generation is going to be the change for the world. You are the hope we put in, the next generation fixing what we broke.”

This wasn’t just a phrase I heard once or twice. It became the story branded into my life, my thoughts, and my way of interacting with the world. From childhood, I lived under high expectations. It was ironic—I wanted to fulfill them, but I also wanted to rebel, knowing I could never measure up. The pressure left me searching for escape, and for me that meant video games and avoiding people.

As I moved through school, this pressure never left. By the time I reached my senior year, I knew I was running on empty. I worked hard at everything, but mostly because I thought it was just what I was supposed to do.

Loneliness and Emptiness in High School

Even so, the reality of the popularity hierarchy gnawed at me. I didn’t have the reputation or status others carried. Even the relationships I did invest in were fragile—I knew college would scatter them. And at home, family struggles—divorce, conditional love, and loneliness—made me question everything.

So when I got accepted into Western Washington University, I thought it might finally be my chance to start fresh.

College Freedom, But No Purpose

Yet stepping into college only revealed a bigger emptiness. With the freedom came what I saw as a nationwide story: hookups, drinking, smoking, addictions, and a life without purpose. None of it filled me. Instead, I felt more defeated and depleted.

Everyone said these would be “the best years of my life.” But in reality, they were the worst.

Breaking Point and Cry for God

By December, it all came crashing down. A breakup, an empty campus, and a hollow dorm room left me feeling like there was nothing left to cling to. That night, I prayed a desperate prayer: God, I want to know You are real. Why is my life like this? Where else can I turn?

Soon after, I felt prompted to go for a walk. On that mysterious walk, peace settled on me in a way I couldn’t explain. Coming back, I saw something hanging on my dorm door—a hat I had lost months before. It wasn’t just any hat—it was the one I had left at a Christian worship night where I had chosen to say no to God and walk away.

Now, in an empty building where no one was around, there it was on my door hinge. In that moment, it hit me: I had rejected God, but He still wanted me. There was something miraculous in that.

“God, I believe You exist. Even though I’ve rejected You, You still chose me.” From then on, my prayer became: Show me who You are.

Finding Real Community

Six months later, God began answering that prayer. A roommate invited me to Village, a pumpkin patch event. My first instinct was to say no—I had been let down by community too many times. But another thought came: What if this changes my life? What if I find lifelong friends here?

I went. And that day I met the Resonate crew—the people who became my eternal friends. In the middle of COVID, they poured into me in ways no one ever had before. They didn’t tell me “Don’t put on a mask, let us love you.” They simply loved me. They kept showing up, being present, and reminding me I mattered. And through their presence, I realized—they were reenacting what God had already done for me in those dorm halls. They loved me because of Jesus.

Baptism and Surrender to Jesus

A few months later, I visited a Sunday gathering. Pastor James Clark preached about baptism: “Baptism is an outward proclamation of an inward transformation. If you believe Jesus rose from the dead and is Lord of your life, I encourage you to be baptized.”

As I listened, the same peace I had felt months earlier in my dorm room welled up again inside me. But this time it wasn’t just peace—it turned into excitement and even desperation. Boldly in my head I said: I want Jesus. If this is who He is, then yes, I’ll make Him Lord. I’ve seen enough—I want more. Why would I say no?

A month later, I was baptized.

A Call to Mission

What I didn’t realize then was how God was preparing me. He began planting in my heart a desire to do for others what had been done for me. That desire grew until I knew I wanted to plant a church at Colorado State University.

When I first visited CSU, the campus felt empty and numb. It reminded me of the emptiness I had once lived in before Christ. That’s when I knew God was calling me there to help build a gospel community.

Where I Am Today

Now, three years later, Resonate Church in Fort Collins has become that place—where students can find real community and the real Gospel.

To take it further, I joined staff at my church. If I can spend my days pouring into students and pointing them to Jesus, why wouldn’t I? Though I haven’t yet raised full-time support, I’m blessed to serve part-time and trust God to open the door to full-time ministry.

When I made Jesus Lord, I declared that my life is no longer my own. My prayer remains: Lord, your servant waits and listens for You. My hope is to continue as a full-time missionary, walking through every door God opens for the sake of His Kingdom.

The Invitation

Would you prayerfully consider partnering with me in this mission—both through prayer and through financial support? Your prayers strengthen me daily, and your giving helps me be fully present on campus with students.

If you’d like to join my team, you can do so at this link: [Insert Link Here]. I would love to talk more with you about how your support makes a difference.